next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
