do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
