I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
