i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
