I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
