My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
