look no pants
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
