I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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