how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
