Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
