super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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