Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
