like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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