then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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