i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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