I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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