but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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