I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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