You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
