Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
