i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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