Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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