Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
