i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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