She said her name was "party"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
