I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
