And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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