**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
please don't ironically join a cult
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