Im at strip club and am horny
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
