She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
