I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
