I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
