Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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