I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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