So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
