just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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