I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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