so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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