you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
