My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
