Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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