screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
