are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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