Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
