i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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