i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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