it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
