Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
