i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am midnight drunk by noon
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
