my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
