i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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