There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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