Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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