i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
