They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
