it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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