Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
