I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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