you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
