End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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