do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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