Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
