I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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