can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
