You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize