this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
