I heard we made out
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
