This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
